Money-Makin' Mamas Read online

  I had a headache and couldn’t go any faster. I didn’t have to because the second Ray released a drop of semen into my mouth, I chomped down on his dick like I was a pit bull. Bit into it so hard that I could taste his blood stirring in my mouth. Some of his skin rested on my teeth. He screamed so loudly that my ears rang. I hurried to back away from him, as he cupped his dick and crashed to his knees.

  “Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, daaaaaaaaaaamn,” he hollered out in pain. He could barely catch his breath. I scrambled to get the fuck out of there and slipped on my ass, right at the front door. Still, Ray couldn’t catch me. He was in too much pain. I rushed into the other apartment and hurried to get my girls.

  “Where are we going, Mama?” Karrine asked, rubbing her sleepy eyes.

  “Out. We’re getting the fuck out of here, now! Hurry!”

  Five minutes later, we were out and in one of Ray’s cars that I had stolen. We had no place to go, no one to turn to, no nothing. The shelter was full, and when I tried to explain my situation to a Caucasian woman who was supposed to be in charge, she stared at me as if I was the most pathetic bitch she had ever seen.

  “How long did you say this has been going on?” she asked. I could tell she didn’t care. Her demeanor said so. All she was there for was a paycheck.

  “For too long. Can you help me? Please help me. I have no place to go, and we haven’t had anything to eat all day.”

  “If I could help, I would. But as I said to you before, our facility is full. We get mothers like you coming in here all the time. And while we can help some, there is no way for us to help all. You’ve got to figure out a way to help yourself and stop having all these babies, especially if you don’t have the means to take care of them. It’s really not our responsibility to take care of them, so maybe you should go back home and see if you and the kids’ father can work something out.”

  See, it was shit like this that made me crazy. Shit like this that made me never want to reach out to a motherfucker again for help. All her words did was give me a reason to never bring my ass back here again. I left, and for the next two days, me and my babies basically lived out of the car and ate leftovers from trashcans. It wasn’t long before I had to take my ass back to that nigga Ray and apologize.

  Chapter Two

  I hated to go crawling back to Ray but, for now, I didn’t have a choice. It took some shit like this to happen in order for me to realize what a messed-up situation I had put myself in. For so many years, I didn’t realize how badly I’d handicapped myself. Ray had been ten steps, twenty steps, ahead of the game, and I was left far behind.

  The one thing I was sure of was that I couldn’t change everything overnight. Shit took planning. It required me to be sneaky and bring into the fold someone I could straight-up trust. The only person I could trust was Honey. But he was just a kid. He was still in school, and his bitch-ass grandmother, Selena, she hated me. She hated that Honey and I had gotten close. Instead of blaming Ray’s no-good ass for Honey’s problems, she blamed me.

  With that being said, I had to be careful. This time, Ray already told me that after one more fuckup from me, I was going to be dead and the girls would be sent to a foster care home. I believed every word that nigga spewed. He sat at the kitchen table, chastising me and telling me what I needed to do going forward in order to make things right.

  “One more time, bitch, and yo’ ass is history. I don’t give a fuck about you or them girls for real, and I’d be surprised if any of those bitches belonged to me. My dick been out of order since you bit it. I’m tired of kickin’ yo’ ass, and the one I gave you last night should’ve knocked some sense into you.”

  He’s damn right it did. It knocked more sense into me than it had ever done before. Truthfully, I’d become numb from Ray’s ass kickings. It never did me much good to holler and scream because no one ever came to the rescue. However, last night was the first time I attempted to fight back. It surprised me that Ray backed off a bit. Still, it left me with a black eye, a swollen lip, and bruises on my arms and legs. It was no secret that I was a battered woman, with no place to go, no friends whatsoever, and no damn self-esteem. Unfortunately, nobody ever told me that niggas like Ray existed. I thought that when a man told you that he loved you, he really meant that shit. I had to learn about men from scratch and, day by day, I learned how foul some of these niggas can be.

  “And since I’m tired of kickin’ yo’ ass,” Ray said, massaging his ashy hands together, “I have somethin’ better that I want you to do. Tonight, you gon’ make me some straight-up dough. There ain’t no need for you to be sittin’ on all that good pussy and not puttin’ it to use.”

  I swallowed hard and wondered what exactly Ray was talking about. He didn’t explain anything to me, but when eight o’clock rolled around, Ray ordered me to put on some clothes. I had been feeding Simone and was watching TV with the girls.

  “Put on some clothes for what?” I challenged. “I was in the middle of something, Ray.”

  “Just do like I told you to do and stop givin’ me so much mouth. Pass that bitch to her sisters and let Chyna or Karrine feed her. You and me got some work to do. Work that may take all night.”

  I had been called a bitch so much that I started to change my name on my birth certificate. I hesitated to move for a few minutes, but in order to keep the peace tonight, I gave Simone to Chyna.

  “See about her for me, okay? Don’t stay up late watching TV, and I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

  The sadness in my girls’ eyes tore at my soul. Their young minds couldn’t process all that was going on, but I knew they could tell that something wasn’t right. I felt horrible about it all. I knew I was failing my daughters. If I didn’t get us out of this fucked-up situation soon, they would grow up to be passive just like me, or they would be without me. One or the other.

  As Ray and I rode quietly in the car together, I was now positive of one thing. He didn’t want a repeat of the other day. He knew what I was capable of doing to him, if he took me to that point again. To me, it seemed as if he had a little fear in him. He was reluctant to say anything to me, considering that when we used to ride in the car together, all I’d hear was his big mouth yelling and calling me names.

  Today, there was silence. He looked straight ahead while tapping his fingers on the steering wheel. Music crooned in the background. His fancy black Cadillac with red crushed-velvet seats rolled down the highway next to cars that couldn’t compare. Ray didn’t allow me to ride with him that often, and the only car he’d let me use was a beat-up Mustang that had a loud, hanging muffler. It wasn’t as if that was a big deal because Ray always gave me and my girls just enough to get by. If I cooked steak for him, we ate ham sandwiches. If he drank wine, we had water. The apartment across the hall looked ten times better than the one we lived in, and Ray didn’t have to sleep and eat with roaches. We did. That’s what happens when a nigga controls you. It’s either his way, or no fucking way at all.

  Ray pulled in front of a two-story brick home. There looked to be some type of party going on because numerous cars were parked out front. Music thumped loudly and several men were on the porch drinking. Ray grabbed a brown paper bag with vodka in it. He turned it up to his lips and guzzled it down. He took several hard swallows then passed the bag to me.

  “Take a few swigs of this and straighten yo’ hair. I like what you got on, but always remember that red is yo’ color.”

  I drank from the bottle then laid it next to me. I didn’t know my hair was out of place, and it shouldn’t have been because I’d sprayed much hairspray on it. My hair, however, was too thick. It was tinted with blond streaks and fell several inches past my shoulders. The feathery part almost covered my left eye, so I moved it away from my face and painted my lips with more red gloss. My makeup was on heavy because I needed to hide my bruises. And dressed in a black stretch dress that rested on my curves, I felt as if it was sexy enough. The V-dip in the front almost met up with my navel, and a sli
ver of my small breasts peeked out.

  “Done,” I said, looking over at Ray. “Now what?”

  “Now, you go inside with me and you don’t speak unless you’re spoken to. You don’t pay any of these niggas extra attention and you do as I tell you to do. After you’re done, you come back to the car and wait on me.”

  There was a little snap in my voice when I asked Ray another question. “I mean, what exactly am I supposed to be doing? I don’t get it.”

  Ray reached over and grabbed my hair from the back. He yanked my head and pulled it back so far that I thought he was about to break my fucking neck. “You’ve reached your limit today, so you don’t get to ask me any more questions. All you need to do is what I tell you. Got it?”

  I tried to nod, but couldn’t even do that. Ray released my head by shoving it forward. I rolled my eyes and turned my head to look out the window.

  “You’ve been gettin’ real bold these days,” he said. “Watch yourself, girl. Watch it.”

  Ray sprayed several dashes of perfume in my cleavage and laughed when he sprayed a dash between my legs. He screwed the cap on the perfume bottle and told me to put it in my purse.

  “Let’s go. Keep a smile on that pretty face and let these muthafuckas know that you proud to be Ray McWilliams’s bitch.”

  He opened the car door then walked to my side of the car and opened the door for me. He damn sure didn’t have good manners, and all of this was one big front.

  As Ray strutted up the steps and approached some of his friends, they all looked on to check him out. I could see hate as well as jealousy locked in their eyes. Again, Ray wasn’t a bad-looking nigga. He was dark skinned, had a shapely afro, and he wore a trimmed goatee. The fur coat he had draped on his shoulders made him look like a million bucks. I wasn’t sure how much money he had, but with all the drug selling he’d been doing for years, I knew he had plenty. But there was no fun in being a dopeman’s sidekick, having his children, and being abused and broke.

  Ray greeted his friends, but didn’t introduce me to any of them. Many of their eyes were filled with lust, but I did what I was told to do: I smiled and kept it moving. As we made our way inside, the crib was thick with nothing but niggas. I could tell there was some kind of birthday celebration going on, because HAPPY BIRTHDAY banners were draped from one doorway to the next. A sheet cake was on the table in the living room and balloons were propped up in several places as well. A gang of alcohol was being passed around, and there was a bartender who was serving it up in a big way. While Ray hung our coats, he told me to go get us something to drink.

  “What do you want to drink?” I said with an attitude. I damn sure didn’t want to be in a house filled with musty, loud-talking, drunk-ass men.

  “How you gon’ stand there and ask me what I want to drink? You supposed to be my woman. Therefore, you should already know what I drink without askin’.”

  “Then I guess I’ll order up you some piss then, because I really don’t pay attention to what you drink.”

  Ray’s eyes cut me like a sharpened knife. I knew I was out of line, but I had started to push back, even if it was just a little. “Order up some piss, and I’ma order up a fist to yo’ fuckin’ face. Get the hell away from me and go find somethin’ else to do until I need you.”

  I rolled my eyes and walked away. As I made my way through the crowds of men, they parted and watched my every move. Some spoke, some didn’t. Some smiled, some frowned. I figured that many of them didn’t know who I was, but I had seen some of them before. Particularly at Ray’s apartment, buying dope or helping him package it.

  “What’s up, TD?” Miles said, touching my hand. Miles was one of Ray’s closest friends. He wasn’t as bad as Ray was, and I appreciated that he was always kind to me.

  “Hello, Miles,” I stopped to say. “What brings you to a crappy party like this?”

  Miles lifted his glass, which contained brown liquid and ice. “She goes by the name of free Hennessy, all night. This bitch manages to hook me every single time. And I damn sure ain’t gon’ pass up good food. They done hooked this shit up for Lorenzo’s birthday, and that nigga ain’t even here yet.”

  I laughed and didn’t say much else to Miles because Ray was side-eying me from afar. Instead, I walked up to the bartender and asked for vodka, no ice, and Hennessy. He quickly made the drinks, and I moseyed on back to where Ray was sitting on a leather sectional with about nine or ten other men. Mountains of cocaine were on the table, with blunts and more alcohol. There were also stacks of dollar bills on the table, along with a lot of change.

  I handed Ray the glass of Hennessy and he thanked me. He pulled me by the waist, making me sit on his lap.

  “For those of y’all who don’t already know, this right here is my bitch, TD. She bad, ain’t she?”

  I guessed I was supposed to smile, but my expression remained flat. His “bitch” references never sat well with me, and the only reason he called me TD was because he didn’t want any of his friends to know my real name. He never wanted anyone to know nothing about me. That’s why it surprised me that he’d asked me to come to this party with him tonight.

  “Hell, yeah, she bad,” one man said, swiping white powder from his nose. “One of the finest bitches I done ever laid my eyes on. Say, sugga. You got any sisters, cousins, or nieces? I got plenty of dough, and they wouldn’t have to do nothin’ at all but cook and fuck me.”

  The men laughed and slammed their hands against each other. All I did was shrug, until I felt Ray nudge me with his elbow.

  “The man asked you a question,” he said. “What, you can’t talk? Cat got your tongue or does a dog have it? I mean, bitch, say somethin’.”

  The fool told me to keep my mouth shut, but since I could now speak, I said what was on my mind. “No, I don’t have any sisters. I don’t have any friends, cousins, or nieces. If I did, they wouldn’t be interested in any of Ray’s friends, who only want them to cook for them and fuck them. Personally, I think a woman can find something else better to do with her time.”

  Silence fell over the entire room and all eyes were on me. The man’s eyes grew wide and the rest of them appeared taken aback by my words.

  “Man, you’d better get yo’ bitch. She got a slick mouth that needs to be dealt with.”

  Embarrassed as hell, Ray jumped up and knocked me off his lap. I stumbled, but didn’t fall. He ordered me into the bathroom, where he slammed the door and rushed up to me. He gripped my face with his hands, squeezing it as tightly as he could. My head was pushed against the wall and he held it steady so I couldn’t move.

  “What in the fuck is wrong with you? Didn’t I give you orders before we came in here? Consider this yo’ warnin’. If you don’t get yo’ shit together, I’ma drill my foot in yo’ ass, right in front of everybody. So think again before you open yo’ mouth and act.”

  Ray gave me a smack across my head then shoved me toward the mirror. “Straighten yo’self up. Then come on out here and do yo’ thing. I’ma need for you to shake that ass tonight and make us some money. It’s the least you can do for damn near bitin’ my dick off and embarrassin’ me.”

  “You mean, shake my ass, as in stripping?” I questioned.

  “I mean, shake yo’ ass as in dancin’ to the music, teasin’ the men out there, bendin’ over, and lookin’ sexy as shit. You can constitute that as strippin’ if you want to, and as a matter of fact, showin’ some of that big ass you got might not be a bad thing. The more ass, the more money.”

  I suspected that Ray was up to something like this. It had definitely crossed my mind. But he knew damn well that this wasn’t about “us” making money. It was about me making money and giving it to him. I sure as hell wondered what he would do if I said no. Since I was in the mood to fuck with him, I went for it.

  “Ray, I had no idea that taking my clothes off and shaking my ass for your posse is what you wanted me to do. I am the mother of your children, you know? Don’t you have any respect for me
? How or why would you want me to put myself out there, and the truth is, I don’t think I can do it.”

  He sucked his teeth and stepped forward. His eye twitched. I could tell that I was getting underneath his skin.

  “You can do it and you will. And you want me to tell you why? Because my dick ain’t been able to get hard since you did what you did with those sharp-ass teeth of yours. I ain’t been pissin’ right and my shit still hurts when I think about it. This is called consequences. Either do as I say or get the fuck out of my place.”

  I just stood there, staring at him. He knew exactly what to say to me, and for a person who didn’t have no place to turn right now, there really was no other option. No fucking options, and I laughed to myself at people who judged me and thought that there was a system in place to help my black ass and my babies out of this situation. Back then, people were sadly mistaken. Now, things are different, but at the moment, I was in this shit by myself.

  But instead of looking at it from a negative angle, I thought of a way to use this to my advantage. The way to fuck with a nigga as ignorant as Ray was to get at him through his friends.

  Ray left the bathroom, but not before telling me to bring my A-game with me. While I had never done anything so ridiculous, the truth was I could dance and I knew how to be and look sexy. That’s what attracted Ray to me in the beginning.

  I left the bathroom and walked through a cloud of thick smoke. Lorenzo had finally arrived and many of the others greeted him. I was pleased to see another woman in the house. I wondered if she was asked to do the same thing as me. Then again, by the way she was dressed, I doubted it. She rocked a one-piece, blue jean jumpsuit with a belt that tightened at her waist. Unlike me, she was very friendly with the other men.

  “Shirley, come on over here and have a seat,” Ray said. “I told Lorenzo that I’ma steal you from him.”